A Letter to Robin

Today, I feel lethargic. I dont know how to combat my energy I dont feel angry. I do feel lonely like I wish I had friends. Seeing people live makes me feel happy and hopeful. What now? I just cant figure it out! Dang Robin, I really can understand how you feel. I want to feel like we are connected, and not because of the zodiac.

Like I could tell you that hearing your song was sort of a primer for the massive destruction I feel right now. That I'm embarking on my 3rd decade of life and more often than not, I feel hopeless. That when I look into the mirror I feel life- less, yes as if every glimpse takes me to a state or residual guilt and confusion. That I like G.O.O.D., but I cant seem to focus on my own dreams.

That no matter how hard you try to feel as though you matter, you constantly tell yourself that you dont that even though you can admit and take responsibility for your own mistakes as a woman; society will not progress forward using your pitfalls as the ammunition to their shots fired towards your integrity.

That even though your eyes have have been blurred into adjacent lines far, far, far, in the distance; a part of you wants to hold on to memories of back then. And  although you want understanding, you're given t.i.p.s. instead of the truth.

That you live your life one headline at a time, and real drama is misconstrued as entertainment. So, I ask myself what am I here for? I passed out last friday morning. No one showed concern. No one asked if I was okay. I needed tangible love, you know, like a hug and encouragement. I am human; thats what  "I am " means and it hurts not getting that.

It hurts to know that you trust your feelings and your emotions in matters of the heart only to be growing and confused, afraid and even more fragile. So fragile that death through persecution would suffice just as long as it's over. That you're depressed, numb, manipulated because of who you are.

A knowledge thirsty, fun and loving mild temperamental girl to some, when you look in the mirror you see a woman. A woman that like every woman has had to face and overcome adversity, get her heartbroken, experience love and relationships all while trying to flourish into a woman of humility, integrity, respect.

And, no matter how hard you work towards validation, they still dont get it and so you give up. You pop pills, hallucinate, feel artificial emotions, and these three characteristics become you(These are the times that try men's soul- Thomas Paine ) defining for others who you are; you live as an open book because you want others to see that you are an honest person and you get to this part of your letter and realize that :

Your life is a circle that has to be broken allowing U to decide if you want to be and those who care will rise to the top with you, while others will scatter to the left and right of you.

And those that believed in you will remain on solid ground with open arms, should you fall from the clouds.

And, those who never knew you will marvel at your grace, glory, and goodness. And the hope and faith in your eyes will  ignite not only your passions, the passions of those who raised you up on their wings with devotion and determination you will have mounted your spirit into the sky; beaming down on earth  as a ray of sunlight and lighting up the world in dark desolate places.

Guiding others to destiny of dreams and unmounting your self from your place in the sky taking a leap of faith into another lifetime; you're now a shooting star.

And with self preservation your soul had been anchored. The pressure from your past, the cold shoulders that brushed against your left and your right heated your passion  which to some was only a thought, but in seven days, seven countries, and seven colors created an iconic dynamic diamond-BEAUTIFUL!

Like diamonds in the sky. So, what I am saying is that when you get to a what now moment, remember that your beautiful like diamonds in the sky.

Never say "why?" Just shine bright and give off light to those who were sent to roam on a dark broken ship. Let your light shine, let your light be their answer as an S.O.S. call.

Be a:
 Beautiful. Astonishing. Diamond Girl RiRi

Smile, You are Awesome!